Vixens of Vengeance

Have you ever felt frustrated because of some completely ridiculous or unwarranted feedback from an editor/coordinator/creative director/whatever? This is bound to happen at least every once in a while in any creative profession, be it writing, visual design, acting, music, etc. These experiences can be incredibly frustrating, but sometimes, we can also find great humor in them. I would like to share one of the latter with you.

Early in my translation career when I was still working on localization for Japanese video games, I was involved in a freemium mobile game, what they call a “trading card game” in Japanese (usually “collectible card game” in English). It basically involves the player collecting cards, each of which has a character on it, with which the player can form a party to go on quests and other adventures where the gameplay is not all that different from a Vegas slot machine. This gameplay is all in the hopes of getting more powerful characters and earning currency to play “gacha” games that literally look like slot machines, the end goal being to get even more powerful characters so you can increase your chances of kicking ass in further battles and whatnot.

And of course if you want to progress faster, you have the readily available option of shelling out your hard-earned cash to do so. The approximately 10% of players who spend heavily on such paid upgrades account for about 90% of freemium games’ revenues. It doesn’t seem very different from gambling, except that you can’t withdraw your winnings. You just get digital prizes. (More on that subject here.)

I hate these games. In fact, many of the video games I helped localize, and not just the freemium titles, were not appealing to me in any way whatsoever. That, plus the low pay resulting from heavy competition among game translators (many of whom are newbies willing to work for peanuts) and client indifference, explains why I eventually left localization. The only redeeming factor of this particular game was the fairly erotic, borderline-porn artwork, which gave me a chuckle every now and then.

My job with this game was not actually translation, but rather creative writing. Each new edition of the gacha game had exactly the same mechanics as every preceding one, but with its own set of unique artwork and characters. It was my task to come up with an English title and one-line pop-up text for the gacha that were based on this artwork and the Japanese names of the characters.

The gacha game I want to talk about came with this art:

Vixens_of_Vengeance.png

How wholesome.

I immediately let out a hearty laugh because one of the girls seems like she’s about to caress the plump, nearly exposed breast of her companion, staring lustily as she does so. Then I got to thinking about a suitable title and pop-up. At first there was a slew of sleazy ideas that came to mind, but I immediately ruled them out. Although they were completely fitting, I knew I had to tone things down a little bit since teenagers were also playing the game.

So I got down to more serious brainstorming. These girls are sexy, perhaps they’re mischievous troublemakers, and they look pretty tough to boot. I think we could describe them as vixens, and they don’t seem like they’d hold anything back in a fight. In fact, if you crossed them, they’d probably come at you with everything they’ve got. I think they could exact some awfully mean vengeance. Ah ha! I love alliteration, so I came up with this:

Vixens of Vengeance

Perfect!

And then the pop-up text for these dominatrixes:

Dominate… Violate… Own the battlefield…

Awesome! I even fit in a rhyme. I added the following note explaining the pop-up text:

“Violate” is inspired by the main character in this artwork. (It looks like she’s about to get felt up.) “Dominate” describes the character in the other accompanying art [not pictured here] and happens to rhyme with “Violate.”

I knew this writing wasn’t going to win me any accolades or acclaim. Whatever. I was quite proud of this one, even though I would never want to play the game in my free time. I sent my draft to the coordinator.

The feedback I received was absolutely ludicrous.

Apparently, Vixens of Vengeance was too sexy and erotic for the client. They were targeting players age 10 to 12, so something more appropriate for that group would be greatly appreciated.

Let me show you that artwork again:

Vixens_of_Vengeance.png

Are you fucking kidding me?!

Okay, that’s what I thought, not what I actually emailed the coordinator, but my more professional, polite response to the feedback expressed something to that effect. In the end, however, I had to rewrite with something lame and not terribly creative or exciting.

Later, the coordinator, worried about running afoul of the client’s sensitivities over game text (despite the clearly erotic art), sent me a list of forbidden words for this project. The list is below, but since it’s so long, I want to first share my response:

Ha ha ha ha ha! That’s a pretty funny list. Anyway, don’t worry. I have most definitely not used any of those words.

Okay, now for the list, typos and all, with “Vixen” recently added near the top, presumably because of me. If you’re faint of heart, turn back now!

SERIOUSLY!!! If you are easily offended, stop reading right here! And if you read it anyway, don’t come crying to me on social media or wherever about being triggered or something. You have been warned.

However, if you want a great laugh and to perhaps learn a few new bits of foul language, then please do continue.

THE LIST

Vixen
anus
arse
arsehole
ass
ass-hat
ass-jabber
ass-pirate
assbag
assbandit
assbanger
assbite
assclown
asscock
asscracker
asses
assface
assfuck
assfucker
assgoblin
asshat
asshead
asshole
asshopper
assjacker
asslick
asslicker
assmonkey
assmunch
assmuncher
assnigger
asspirate
assshit
assshole
asssucker
asswad
asswipe
axwound
bampot
bastard
beaner
bitch
bitchass
bitches
bitchtits
bitchy
blow job
blowjob
bollocks
bollox
boner
brotherfucker
bullshit
bumblefuck
butt plug
butt-pirate
buttfucka
buttfucker
camel toe
carpetmuncher
chesticle
chinc
chink
choad
chode
clit
clitface
clitfuck
clusterfuck
cock
cockass
cockbite
cockburger
cockface
cockfucker
cockhead
cockjockey
cockknoker
cockmaster
cockmongler
cockmongruel
cockmonkey
cockmuncher
cocknose
cocknugget
cockshit
cocksmith
cocksmoke
cocksmoker
cocksniffer
cocksucker
cockwaffle
coochie
coochy
coon
cooter
cracker
cum
cumbubble
cumdumpster
cumguzzler
cumjockey
cumslut
cumtart
cunnie
cunnilingus
cunt
cuntass
cuntface
cunthole
cuntlicker
cuntrag
cuntslut
dago
damn
deggo
dick
dick-sneeze
dickbag
dickbeaters
dickface
dickfuck
dickfucker
dickhead
dickhole
dickjuice
dickmilk
dickmonger
dicks
dickslap
dicksucker
dicksucking
dicktickler
dickwad
dickweasel
dickweed
dickwod
dike
dildo
dipshit
doochbag
dookie
douche
douche-fag
douchebag
douchewaffle
dumass
dumb ass
dumbass
dumbfuck
dumbshit
dumshit
dyke
fag
fagbag
fagfucker
faggit
faggot
faggotcock
fagtard
fatass
fellatio
feltch
flamer
fuck
fuckass
fuckbag
fuckboy
fuckbrain
fuckbutt
fuckbutter
fucked
fucker
fuckersucker
fuckface
fuckhead
fuckhole
fuckin
fucking
fucknut
fucknutt
fuckoff
fucks
fuckstick
fucktard
fucktart
fuckup
fuckwad 
fuckwit
fuckwitt
fudgepacker
gay
gayass
gaybob
gaydo
gayfuck
gayfuckist
gaylord
gaytard
gaywad
goddamn
goddamnit
gooch
gook
gringo
guido
handjob
hard on
heeb
hell 
ho
hoe
homo
homodumbshit
honkey
humping
jackass
jagoff
jap
jerk off
jerkass
jigaboo
jizz
jungle bunny
junglebunny
kike
kooch
kootch
kraut
kunt
kyke
lameass
lardass
lesbian
lesbo
lezzie
mcfagget
mick
minge
mothafucka
mothafuckin\
motherfucker
motherfucking
muff
muffdiver
munging
negro
nigaboo
nigga
nigger
niggers
niglet
nut sack
nutsack
paki
panooch
pecker
peckerhead
penis
penisbanger
penisfucker
penispuffer
piss
pissed
pissed off
pissflaps
polesmoker
pollock 
poon
poonani
poonany
poontang
porch monkey
porchmonkey
prick
punanny
punta
pussies
pussy
pussylicking
puto
queef
queer
queerbait
queerhole
renob
rimjob
ruski
sand nigger
sandnigger
schlong
scrote
shit
shitass
shitbag
shitbagger
shitbrains
shitbreath
shitcanned
shitcunt
shitdick
shitface
shitfaced
shithead
shithole
shithouse
shitspitter
shitstain
shitter
shittiest
shitting
shitty
shiz
shiznit
skank
skeet
skullfuck
slut
slutbag
smeg
snatchia
spic
spick
splooge
spook
suckass
tard
testicle
thundercunt
tit
titfuck
tits
tittyfuck
twat
twatlips
twats
twatwaffle
unclefucker
va-j-j
vag
vagina
vajayjay
vjayjay
wank
wankjob
wetback
whore
whorebag
wop

Congratulations! You’ve made it to the end! I hope you found this story as amusing as it was for me. And if you’ve been offended by the list, just remember that I did warn you.


Click here for the full archive of The Kyoto Linguist. You could also read the randomly selected article below.

 
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